sex in relationships

Back to school can always be an exciting time! You get to see friends you have missed over the summer and meet new ones that are just starting.  It is also the perfect time to meet your high school sweetheart.  A new relationship is always so much fun.  However, the big question that is on most people’s minds is to have sex or to wait?  In a world where sex is everywhere waiting can be challenging, but it can be possible.

When you are in a relationship and it becomes sexual you find yourself spending less time getting to know each other emotionally and more time being sexually active.  At some point, you might wonder if that’s all there is to the relationship. When you decide to take sex out of a relationship or start a new relationship where you commit to being sexually pure, you need a game plan.  It’s like playing a video game.  After a while you know the traps and the dangers and you take action to avoid them before you get blasted.  It’s the same thing here.  You need to know the dangers and the traps that lead to sexual activity before you get involved so that you can avoid the.  What are some things that you can do?

Want to have some fun?  Before you go out, bring up the fact that you are not at all interested in getting involved sexually.  Your date’s reaction to such a radical statement is a great way to know if you are in trouble before even stepping out the door.  The more pressure you feel to do what you don’t want to do, the faster you should say, “I’m out of here!”

Choose friends with the same values.  You have probably heard of peer pressure.  You know, when everyone is sitting around talking about how cool something is.  You don’t agree, but you sure aren’t going to say so!  After a while, you start saying to yourself, “well, maybe it’s not so bad…”  That’s why it’s important to choose friends who share your values.  Then you will hear things that make your commitment stronger, not wear it down.  The same goes for the people you date.  If you know someone is a player or partier, don’t go out with him or her.  You are only setting yourself up!

“Where do you want to go?”  “I dunno, where do you want to go?”  “I dunno, let’s just hang out and see what happens.”  This is not a good way to start.  When you have plans, you can avoid placing yourself in situations where things just happen – like sex.  You can plan fun dates that will make great memories and will keep you true to your commitment.

Don’t leave dead time

If you are going out for an evening, have the whole evening planned.  Don’t leave blocks of time where you have nothing to do, especially when you are alone at home or in the car.

Go out in groups.

Think about the times when you had the most fun.  They were probably with a group of friends.  Going out in groups ensures that you will stay out to tempting situations. The worst place to hang out is at home alone.  You can have good intentions but you also know how quickly things can go too far.  Sticking to public places can help.

Watch what you watch.

Guys especially are stimulated by visual images.  That means sexy moves get them excited and geared up for more.  Don’t worry.  You could live to be 90 before you see all the great non-sexy movies out there.

Set physical limits.

That’s right.  Set your limits ahead of time.  Think about exactly how far is too far for you.  Say no to anything that is intended to sexually excite your partner.  Define what healthy affection is and tell your partner what YOUR definition is.  Want some hints?  Hand holding, hugging, and kissing (that doesn’t mean making out) are OK.  But basically, anything below the neck is off-limits if you are serious about creating a pure, long-lasting relationship.

So what do you do instead of sex…

  1. Go on a picnic with friends
  2. Bake cookies
  3. Go horseback riding
  4. Go rollerblading
  5. Go bowling
  6. Ride bikes in the park
  7. Volunteer at a soup kitchen
  8. Go to a museum
  9. Plan a mystery dinner for friends
  10. Go to church together
  11. Learn to dance
  12. Read a book and discuss it
  13. Have a bonfire
  14. Take a fun class at your community college together


Deciding not to have sex is a great way to build an emotional foundation for a strong relationship. Many marriages are great because they chose that path and you can do it too.  We also know that it is not easy and many take the opposite path.  We want you to know that OPRC is here for you.  We can talk about each path and if you feel like you have taken the wrong one we can talk through it with you.  If you need an appointment visit our website or call 910-938-7000.

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