All relationships go through tough times.  Some go through harder times than others, and those rough patches can last a long time.  If all relationships have trouble,,,,,

How do you know when to call it quits?    

 

Here are three RELATIONSHIP BUSTERS that will help you know when to slow down or bailout.

THE MOVER

Brandon and Jennifer have been seeing each other for a few months and it is getting serious.  Brandon has started pressuring Jennifer to move in together.  Jennifer doesn’t want to, but is unsure how to say no.

Jennifer has good reason to not want to live together.  Research has shown that couples who live together without marriage are twice as likely to have affairs, more likely to get an STD, more likely to-break up, in poverty, more like, have children with emotional and behavioral problems, and they are less likely to marry and stay married. Jennifer needs to stand for herself and either decide on marriage or end the relationship.

THE PUSHER

Debbie made a decision not to have sex before marriage. She met a man who seemed perfect for her and she started dating. Everything was going great until he started pushing her to go further physically.  When she finally told him to stop, he yelled at her and left in a rage.

Making the decision to save sex for marriage (even if you have not done so in the past) is sometimes hard.  If you have a partner who really loves you, he or she will respect your decision and help you reach your goal.  Making this decision is both good and healthy.  By waiting until marriage, you can avoid the many STDs, early pregnancies, and added emotional strife if the relationship ends.  If your partner is unwilling to wait, it is time to get out.  If your partner threatens to leave the relationship if you don’t have sex, end the relationship right there.  It is not worth it to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you.

THE MOOCH

Alicia and Jake have been living together for quite some time and are now very comfortable with each other.  They have settled down into a normal routine, with each other, although it seems that Jake is having trouble finding a job.  He has many “explanations” why he hasn’t found one.  As the months progress, Alicia starts to notice that Jake isn’t looking anymore and is spending most of his time at home while Alicia works.  Jake seems to like the arrangement (including the sex), but Alicia has started to wonder if this is the best situation.

Live together, as discussed earlier has its’ risks, one of the risks is that people often abuse the situation to live the “easy” life.  They attach themselves to someone who will give them a place to live and food to eat.  They are nice enough, but their lack of respect and love show through in their actions.  Alicia needs to take a breather from this relationship.  She needs to tell Jake to move out and, if he is interested in continuing the relationship, to find a job and think seriously about marriage.

Relationships are never perfect, but you need to be able to recognize when yours needs to end.  If you are not married, you need to remove yourself from dysfunctional relationships.  Although it may be hard to break off a relationship, it is many times the best thing to do.

 

1.Judith Treas and Deirdre Geisen, "Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans,"Journal
of Marriage and the Family 62(Febuarly 2000):48-60
2.Crouse,J.C., Gaining Ground: A Profile of American Women in the Twentieth Century, 2000.
3.Renata Forste and Koray Tanfer, "Sexual Exclusivity Among Dating, Cohabiting and Married Women."
Journal of Marriage and Family 58 (1996): 33-47