Love at first sight… does it exist or is it attraction?

I have been contemplating the idea of love for quite some time now. I had a conversation with a young girl not too long ago; she kept repeating over and over again, “A person can’t help who they love.”  Is that really a true statement?  Can you really not help who you love? It is a statement that our culture today has adopted, I have heard it many times. For some reason though when she said it, it really sunk in.  That conversation sent me on a quest to understand just what is love, and can you really help who you love?  Read on with me and see if you think my conclusions are valid.

Love’s definition…  unselfish, loyal, and benevolent, concern for the good of another.

Love by it’s very definition, is not a feeling it is a conscious decision to put someone else’s needs above your own.  Love seems to require thinking. We are by nature selfish, from the time we are born it is all about us.  We cry when we are wet, sleepy, or hungry.  If you do not attend to us quickly we cry even louder until you can’t take it, and you take care of us. As children we are often selfish over what is ours.  As adults it comes very natural to look out for ourselves first.  Even though many parents teach their children to deny these behaviors and look out for others; it can take years before you actually put it into practice.

 

Attraction-  the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone.

Hmmm…  That kinda sounds more like that feeling I was describing.  Attraction seems to be more about us than the other person.  It brings us pleasure, and that pleasure can be very powerful!

I know anyone, who is anyone loves the feeling you get when you meet someone new and you click.  There is a physiological reaction that has been described as the high you receive from drugs.  It can be very addicting for some people.  It can make you forget problems, lose weight, and even lose your mind.  I have known people that have made very bad life decisions based on that feeling.  So maybe that’s not really love… just maybe that feeling is attraction?   Just go with me and see if I have figured things out or not.

Who are you attracted to?  How do you feel when you are or were around them.  Is it love? or attraction?

 

So is it love… or attraction…

After much contemplation on the subject and study; i have determined that people, even myself, have confused the two words. It is attraction at first sight, we fall into attraction, and you can’t help who you are attracted to.  The word love has been used instead of attraction, and it simply isn’t true.

Love or attraction at first sight?

“It’s attraction at first sight.” It takes years to truly love someone.  You have to go through some hard times to find out if you really love someone, and if they really love you. Attraction can quickly be gone when someone hurts you; its true love that can forgive and continue to stick it out.  It’s not always easy to be attracted to your wife when all her hair is gone from chemo; however love can keep you by her side.

Do you fall in love or do you fall in attraction?

You don’t fall into love you grow in it, you fall into attraction, and out of attraction.  People say, “I just fell out of love.”  What they mean is they aren’t attracted to them anymore; they never really loved them.  As strong of an emotion as attraction is, it is not strong enough to keep you together.  Attraction fades when a person’s attention is directed somewhere else.  We live in a society where attraction is mistaken for love, and people are switching partners like they switch clothes.  That is one reason you should not have sex before you’re married.  Marriage is a commitment, and if someone is willing to commit to you there is a likely chance they might be on their way to loving you.   Marriage is not always easy, it takes love to make it work.

A person can’t help who they love or who they are attracted too?

The statement that started this conversation, “A person can’t help who they love.” You can help who you love; you can’t help who you are attracted to. If you are like me, you don’t attract the best person to make a conscience decision to love.  We should love everyone, but you do not need to commit yourself to someone that is not good for you. No we can’t help who we are attracted to that is just what comes natural; what we can help is who we choose to love.

I think I just might be onto something here…

I’m not saying attraction is wrong; I’m saying there has to be more to a relationship than attraction; there has to be love.  Take my advice spend your time looking for real love instead of chasing fleeing attraction. Find the person that will stay with you during the hard times, and love you to the end. If you have been in bad relationships, or are just starting to discover dating; commit to making good relationship choices, and if you are married stay committed to the relationship and choose love. Check out some of our other blogs for more relationship advice.

Also see:
Sex and Duct Tape
When Is It Time to Get Out?
Let’s Talk About Sex